By Guy Finley
Two men stroll down a
leaf-covered wood-lot path on a clear, brisk Autumn morning. Jeff and
Mark have been friends for years. They enjoy their Saturday morning
walks and talks together. Yet, something’s different about Mark today.
Jeff senses there’s a problem. But he says nothing.
Two minutes later Mark stops walking and turns to Jeff. His eyes are
searching for a place to begin. Then, following right behind his slowly
spreading smile, these words spill out: "Jeff, are all these voices that
are arguing in my head bothering you too?"
A second later, they both break out laughing. The spell Mark had been
under was broken. He had been the captive of a dark inner dialogue.
What’s a dark inner dialogue? Just what it sounds like: a negative
tug-of-war in the unseen recesses of your mind where you’re the only one
pulling on both ends of the rope. Still more to the point: Being in a
dark inner dialogue is finding yourself losing a heated argument when
there’s no one else in the room with you!
What causes these dark inner dialogues? Resentment. So, here’s a key
thought to help you release this self wrecking inner state: Holding on
to some hurt, or hatred -- over what someone may have done to you in the
past -- makes you that person’s slave in the here and Now.
If you’re tired of being a slave to a painful relationship out of your
past, this study and exercise in how to release resentments is sure to
bring welcome relief.
For this lesson to succeed in its intended purpose, it’s important for
you to understand that resentment is a bitter pill made up of two
layers. The first layer is created by our refusal to be self ruling:
Saying "yes", when we really want to say "no!" is one good example.
Fawning before others for fear of their reprisal is another. Both weak
actions breed resentment, because our wish to falsely accommodate
compromises our own weakness. And now comes another key thought.
The second layer of this type of resentment is its "active" ingredient;
the psychological component that keeps it alive and not well. This is
the dark inner dialogue. These unconscious conflicts, in dialogue form,
play themselves out in our mind by painfully reenacting various scenes
from our past; moments gone by in which we either know, or sense, we
were compromised by our own weakness. And now comes another key thought.
If these inner dialogues were left to themselves as they popped into our
mind, they’d be as powerless to disturb us as an echo is to change its
own sound. Where we get into trouble, when resentment rules, is when
we’re unknowingly drawn into these scenes out of our past and find
ourselves interacting with a cast of ghost players! The ensuing mental
dialogue is always a desperate, but futile, attempt to change what has
already been said and done -- so that maybe this time around -- we can
come out a winner.
One good example of this kind of dark inner dialogue is giving someone a
heated piece of your mind, when he or she is not around to hear it!
Tired of going twelve rounds in routine fight scenes that always turn
out the same? Try this new exercise for the winning solution.
If you sat down on a metal bench and suddenly realized the midday sun
had heated it way beyond the comfort zone, you’d stand up as quickly as
you could. The same Intelligence behind this instinctive physical
reaction can help you release all resentments and drop their dark inner
dialogues.
Each time you can catch yourself in a dark inner dialogue of any kind,
use your awareness of the conflict it's creating within you as a
springboard to help you leap out of those scary scenes from your past
into the safety of the Present Moment. Then, instead of giving yourself
over to those inner voices of conflict that are still trying to converse
with you, just remain quietly aware of yourself in the Present Moment
and of their continuing beckoning presence.
No matter how many times you hear in your mind those fighting words that
have always prompted you to jump into that dark dialogue, refuse to join
in. Ground yourself in your awareness of the Present Moment.
The unconscious resentment responsible for creating those heated scenes
from the past cannot follow you into the Now, which means no dark inner
dialogue can tag along either. Why? Because when you’re no longer a
captive of your own past, then you can recognize its ghost voices as the
source of psychic intrusion they really are.
Remember, no dark inner dialogue can ever solve an unresolved resentment
any more than one end of snake is less the serpent.
Special Summary:
Learn to ask for a happy, new life, by refusing to re-live what's been
tearing at you.
This guest article written by Guy Finley is an excerpt from his book, "Design Your Destiny." You can buy this book or read more inspirational writing by Guy Finley by visiting him at Guy Finley's Life of Learning Foundation
Become an affiliate partner in Guy Finley's Life of Learning Foundation through this Life of Learning Foundation - Opportunity!
